did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
