I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
