i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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