Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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