I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
