i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
please come you make the beer taste better
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize