he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize