So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
