i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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