Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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