Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
