Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize