Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
