did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
