READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
