You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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