You're my little dorito
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
