He uses pillows to masturbate.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Im part way to drunk.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
