Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
