Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
