It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
