so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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