He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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