Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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