i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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