he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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