Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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