My hair reeks of homosexuality.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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