we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize