But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Soap is not a condiment
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
