it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
