i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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