we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
