He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
