You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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