I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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