I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
