"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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