He kissed a someone with a penis
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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