I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
