I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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