Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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