I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
