he told me I talked like a deaf person
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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