So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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