You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
