i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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