having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
