I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
