Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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