I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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