hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize