and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
