just come out here and I will go home with you...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
