The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
