go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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