Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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