i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
