I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
