Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
