I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I faked an abortion last night.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
