The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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