just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
