South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
