Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
