I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize