Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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