sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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