I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
