take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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