she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
me + whiskey = a bad person
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
