I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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