I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
