Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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